There is a black Audi blocking my garage.
If its yours, can you please move it?
Thanks
Sammy (flat 7)
...and then he returned with a black pen to insert the missing apostrophe
on both signs.
On having performed this mainly redundant task - redundant because the intended audience of Saverio's meticulously well-penned message was almost exclusively composed of persons who cared little for the presence or absence of an apostrophe and might not even notice such important matters - he regained his desk and wondered whether or not it was worth simply inserting the apostrophes, reprinting the document, cutting the page to form two signs, finding the Sellotape, and replacing the defective and unread signs (Saverio was proud of his mastery of English, an heirloom from his mother - born in the nearby village of Barford - and a testament to his diligence at his studies).
Perhaps he could feel the matter was truly dealt with if he made this final adjustment?
Except it wasn't. The black Audi hadn't stirred for several hours and the joys of the open road were temporarily inaccessible.
It wasn't even that he wanted to take it for a spin, but the fact that he
couldn't, even if the urge came over him, was unsettling and made him want to
at least back it out of the garage and kick the tyres.
Saverio Sammartino disliked Audis. He disliked all vehicles except his own
and a very small number of similar and grander modes of conveyance, but he took special
exception to Audis because they were so fast, expensive and smug. And also, a
matter of no minor importance, they weren't even built
in Italy. Of course the same was true of the MG, but Saverio was a practical
man in matters of the purse.
He always admired them in public of course, narrowing his eyes at the sleek
lines of the fabulous R8 and letting out his breath with a suitable aperture of
mouth and air flow rate to convey his appreciation of the throbbing pipes if
the coupé's engine was running, but it was merely appearances: in his heart he held
no love for the machines.
His eyes dropped through the window to the car still blocking his garage.
Who on earth simply parks their car in front of your garage and then disappears
for hours? Saverio resolved to speak to the offender in person, but to do so he
had to keep his eyes constantly alert, and after four hours of undiminished alertness
he was lapsing, having spent more than ten minutes - two five minute sessions -
in areas of his apartment from which visual surveillance was impossible.
Darkness was creeping up and the ticking clock was booming in the quiet
room, reminding him of the mounting outrage. Taunting him almost.
He resolved to reprint the notices.
There is a black Audi blocking my garage and I need to use my car urgently.
Sammartino (flat 7)
